The world seeks relief with booze or drugs, only to find the situation has not changed. Tina read the Psalms.

I am not religious or spiritual. I more often indulge in the former to cope with life’s stresses. And maybe reading scripture doesn’t change the situation either.. but it’s an interesting thought.

First code yesterday. Rib-crackin,’ two central lines placed at the bedside, 7 liters of fluid given, 90-minute kind of code (he actually coded three times total). And, though pressor dependent now, he is alive 24-plus hours later.

I was told by my MICU preceptor (and manager) that I did an excellent job- I responded fast and communicated well. I mostly agree.

I am lethargic after two 12-hour days with that patient, but am excited to review his ABGs and other labs, X-rays, Swan line numbers, code drugs given, and much more.

He is 52 years old and though he is still in severe septic shock, he might pull through this.

After the code: 

insulin drip

amiodarone drip @ 1 x6h then at 0.5

dobutamine drip @ 2.5

vasopressin drip @ 0.04

epinephrine drip @ 5

levo drip @ 30

neo drip @ 200

What a day!

First patient death in 14 months of practicing.

Not sure how I feel about it yet but wow, did it happen fast!

Once we removed the pressors and vent, it took 16 minutes. Sad but good to experience.

If my 60 year old father, who recently lost his vision, can achieve a seventh degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do…

..then I can succeed at anything. I will adjust to this new nursing specialty.

I am a 24 year old “adult.” But after hearing about an achievement like his, I am reminded that my dad is superman. 

Arrived in CA successfully.

Finding a place to live + starting a new job + starting classes at the same time..

..that’s one way to ease into a new environment

MICU job offered and accepted- I start in less than 3 weeks. Commence frantic panic mode, as I have to pack most of my midwest life up and haul it to southern CA. No place to live yet but I hope my friends in the area will let me crash with them temporarily. 

If time allowed it, I would love to drive cross-country, but I think I’ll have to proceed quicker and have the damn car shipped. And have oodles of suitcases and packages sent to me from here.

So for now I am temporarily homeless, but not jobless.

I know myself well and will probably be just as buried in school and work in CA as I am here…but I will have a whole new world to explore and probably get lost in.

MICU is making me sweat- I pine to work in an ICU, and now that I will be doing so I am anxious, like a new grad all over again. I’m sure the 3-month orientation will be helpful.

California here I come. As for the next two weeks I can anticipate packing, filling out HR paperwork, saying goodbye to friends, and feeling glared at by coworkers as they wait for my impending departure. Fun!

Night nurses sleep during the day and don’t like being woken up.

This phonecall, however, interrupted my sleep in a welcome way.

Job interview.

MICU, Southern CA.

Friday.

So that’s where I will spend my tax refund dollars!

I did one day shift as a favor for a nurse I work with, and I LOVED it. Different pace than nights, I was cracked-out tired after having worked all night, but I LOVED it. We had nursing students, and having one assigned to me reaffirmed how much I love teaching. What a great few hours!

Potential job opportunity- MICU position in CA. Talked to the recruiters, still have my current job for now. I don’t want to get ahead of myself but if this goes through, all I need to do is give 2 weeks notice at my current job, pack a suitcase and book a one-way fight. Exciting!

Staying here would be great, too. Whether it’s out of state or elsewhere in my current city, it’s time for a new living arrangement for me.

Best South Park episode by the way. Or AWESOM-O (this is how I spend my free time when I am not buried in work or school).

Though I was behind, and really didn’t have time, I stopped for 10 minutes to listen to a patient tell me about being in slave camps during World War II ….working from sunrise to sunset with no food or pay, and seeing people executed right in front of him.

And I bitch about working 40 hours a week, indoors (albeit the night shift), for pay, helping people for a living.

Perspective.

I know the comparison game isn’t applicable all the times, but it sure rears its head in at the right times.

So what if I got further behind in my charting, etc…that gentleman needed me to listen, and that needed to be my priority.

Probably the worst shift I’ve ever experienced. If I had seven pairs of arms and legs I could not have gotten everything done on my own.

Started two heparin drips (it baffles me that BOTH MDs failed to order a baseline PTT—thankfully I catch these things), a borderline shocky patient (and the doc who, for two shifts, wants us to “continue to monitor her”), two ICU transfers (one obtunded, thank you), and someone who was alert and oriented x3 then suddenly decided to become unresponsive…at least the doc came to the bedside STAT when I paged him about this.

I could have cried, but I was too busy.

I have tonight off, in which I need to complete my research paper, then it’s back to the hospital for four nights. 

This too shall pass?

I socialized, for the first time in months. Thanks to my full time, every night 11p-7:30a work schedule, and attempting to stay caught up with BSN classwork, it’s rare that I have time to do things other than work.

It surely won’t happen every weekend, and I’m kicking myself for missing quality hours with which I could have studied…but we all need a release, right?

Until the next time…..nose to the grindstone for the next six days (nights) straight.